Pokémon aren´t as real as Anime Girls – According to NeoGAF-users

August 16, 2016

According to Detroit Free Press, a local couple has now filed a class action lawsuit against Pokémon GO-developer Niantic. Their reasoning: Players of the popular smartphone app are being loud near their property, they cuss at them, they peek into their house´s windows, they even trespass and damage their private property. Because they couldn´t get ahold of the individuals actually committing crimes, the couple sues the developer, saying “they have made millions of dollars, while ruining the lives of many Americans“.


It goes without saying that the couple doing the suing as well as those defending them are utter lunatics. Obviously, Niantic never encouraged, as several users from NeoGAF worded it, players of their game to trespass into private property. Not only does the app tell you at every start exactly that. Its Pokémon radar ever since after week 1 of the app´s release also doesn´t show Pokémon´s proximity anymore. A Pokémon is either visible on your phone and you can catch it, or it isn´t visible and you will have no idea in which direction to go to find it. But I hadn´t planned on writing this blog article about the pure logical counter argument to those demonizing developer Niantic. No, I´m writing these lines to use the EXACT same logic that SJWs love to use to defend censorship in video games that occurs during the localization process from Japan to Europe/USA.

As most of you will know, it is illegal to present sexualized underage girls in video games. Which, to be truer to the fact, means: It is illegal to present sexualized fictional/virtual underage girls. We´ve seen this in many recent Nintendo games, where ages are upped from originally 16 or 17 to 18 or 19 in Tokyo Mirage Sessions and Project Zero 5, or where customization was severely limited in the Western version of Xenoblade Chronicles X. Older gamers will remember how Dead or Alive´s Kasumi´s age was upped from 14 in the Japanese version to 18 in the Western version of the popular fighting game-series. I made this argument before and I´ll repeat it on this occassion: I strongly believe it is wrong and ridiculous to apply REAL law to FICTIONAL characters. No real underage girl is hurt by having sexy fictional underage girls. It´s just that, fiction. We have thousands of games where we can murder fictional people without them being treated like real people (obviously), but we draw the line when it comes to sexualization? Humbug!


However, if we accept for the moment that that´s the unfortunate status quo … then why not apply the very same logic to Pokémon GO? The opponents of the app argue that Niantic purposefully places Pokémon on private property, encouraging players to trespass said property. BUT: Within the context of the game, these Pokémon are wildlife. It isn´t Niantic´s fault that wild Pokémon roam private property. No company can control wild animals, it is nature at play here. When a rare butterfly flies into somebody´s house, you cannot sue the state for trespassing bug catcher. No, you sue the brazen bug catcher. Yes, Pokémon are only fictional animals, but so are the aforementioned underage girls that aren´t allowed to be sexualized, because real law is applied to them. Logically following, real law also must be applied to the Pokémon in Pokémon GO! These wild fictional animals are freely roaming the environment as they see fit, dictated only by their animal instincts, akin to how fictional underage girls must be protected from any abuse.

Should the Detroid couple honestly feel threatened or inconvenienced by the wild Pokémon in their backyard, then they probably ought to hire a professional Pokémon catcher, who will probably get rid of all the mongering beasts. Meanwhile, instead of spending a single thought on deciding if that silly class action lawsuit should be put to court or not, the United States of America (as well as the rest of the world) should publically thank developer Niantic for leading a sedentary generation of youth back into the outside world, breathing fresh air, enjoying sunlight and interacting with other people. Thanks, Niantic!

Source: FREEP


Post-Final (is that a thing?) Prediction for Zelda U

June 13, 2016

We´ve gotten this epic new piece of artwork last night and my hype for the new Zelda-title is through the roof at this point. You know, being able to freely climb any surface has always been my number one-wish for the Zelda-series. We don´t know the details, yet, but the way Link is depicted climbing that plain mountain wall instills a large amount of hope in me. Even when Skyward Sword marks the biggest disappointment in my career as a gamer and a lot has to be made up.

Speaking of which: Before we find out more hard facts about Zelda U, I want to detail a bit on my hypothesis for the game´s story. Here goes:

I already mentioned in the previous blog posting that I see the story set between Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker. There´s a major reason for that: The supposed sex choice at the start of the game, where the player can choose between a male or female character. See how I´m not using the name “Link”? That´s because I assume it won´t be Link who we´re going to play as. When Ocarina of Time ends, there is no hero in the adult timeline. Adult princess Zelda is left on her own, holding the ocarina in her hands. The end. We know from TWW that, as always, Ganon finds a way to creep back from hell, except this time there was no chosen hero to defeat him and save Hyrule. Instead, the god´s were prayed for to flood the entire land, keeping Ganon in check that way. Ever since then fans assumed that this was a failed scenario. But what if it´s not?

Since the hero shard is male, putting Zelda U at a point in time where there never was a chosen hero, rationalizes the possibility of a self-chosen sex for the protagonist within the established lore. But that´s not all. I imagine that we´d meet an elderly princess Zelda in this game, the same Zelda from Ocarina of Time. The nostalgic overload would be too much for me to handle, honestly. This Zelda knows about Ganon´s return, but she´s desperately in search for a hero – a hero that does not exist in that timeline. What happens is that some random boy/girl appears who offers help, and that´s how things get running. Since we know that Ganon cannot be defeated by anyone but the chosen hero, using the Master Sword, the protagonist of this title wouldn´t be following the usual thematic plot. Instead, Zelda U´s protagonist´s task is to prepare the eventual downfall of Ganon´s.

I´d imagine that princess Zelda somehow turns the ocarina of time into a new tool for this game´s protagonist, which grants him/her the ability to create mobile time bubbles akin to the time bubbles in Lanaryu desert in Skyward Sword. Except this time you can freely experiment with them and even travel to various time planes, not just one point in the past. Your task is to figure out a way to help “real heroes” of other eras, which is done by preparing a multitude of places. The flooding of Hyrule cannot be prevented, but a self-made hero/heroine can at least give it his/her all to make sure that eventually, good will prevail.

And that´s my in-depth prediction for Zelda U´s story. Now come, Tuesday!

Final Prediction for The Legend of Zelda U/NX

June 6, 2016

Due to Nintendo´s quasi-absence from this year´s E3-convention, I´ll reduce my yearly prediction in the same way Nintendo reduced their E3 appearance. So let´s talk about The Legend of Zelda U!

Without further ado, I will outline a rough draft of what we´re about to see when Zelda U is finally unveiled. There are three main elements that I expect to see:

1.) Drastic Usage Time Stones

One of the few high points of Skyward Sword was the Lanaryu desert with its time stone-feature. Let´s remember: You could activate said time stones to create a radial bubble. Everything inside that bubble would be changed to a different time, in this case the past. What I imagine for Zelda U is that this time, Link can create such a time bubble at any given time anywhere he wants to do so. This would add an entire second layer to the known overworld. It also invites the player to experiment, carefully choosing the center of the time bubble to make certain things happen. As the player proceeds the game, the diameter of the time bubble could grow and allow for more freedom and options. And last but not least: What if there were more than just one time shift? I imagine gaining access to several time planes, maybe even such that would cross with events of popular past series-entries. Picture creating a time bubble in front of Castle Hyrule, only to become witness of young hero of time-Link meeting Ganondorf, as the Great Demon Lord chases after Impa and Zelda!

Mobile time stones would make for great, experiment-inviting gameplay and bear the potential for lots of nostalgic innuendo.

2.) Sex Choice

It´s been rumored plenty and Emily Rogers basically confirmed it. Despite no official word from Nintendo, I can see this being real. Although I´d hope for a full-fledged character editor, otherwise the next five year will be spent with the SJW-community demanding a black Link at any given occasion. Just dive fully into it, Nintendo.

Since the hero shard is male, though, I have also come up with an idea that would make perfect sense in the context of a female protagonist. The game would indeed be set between Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker. It´d finally tell the story of an age where there was no hero and the world had to be flooded to keep Ganon in check.Both male and female hero could be mere good-natured characters who try to fight evil. This would make it the first Zelda-game without a “Chosen One”, which per se would be plenty interesting. Many fans have been skeptical about telling the story of a failed hero, but that´s not necessarily true, since we don´t have enough information about what really happened.

3.) Link is the author of the Book of Mudora

Zelda U´s Link is always carrying a book on his belt – why? My 6th sense is telling me that Link will be using the book to write down certain things. Since there is only one prominent book in the Zelda-series, I assume this will be the origin of the Book of Mudora, playing a huge role in A Link to the Past. I imagine that this Link is not your typical dungeon-clearer who enters a dungeon to save the world. No, this Link is an author and constructor, a true dungeon master, who is on a journey to inspect dungeons and check and verify their operational status. He will make notes in the book about each dungeon. And once the player has beaten a dungeon, he notifies the goddesses, who then place a gem or whatever reward inside the dungeon. For heroes of a later era to find!

This lines up with the time stones, as mentioned above. Traveling to various points in time to check if the dungeon works for future Chosen Heroes. If not, he´d have to go back and go as far as to change the dungeons by requesting the goddesses to do so.All of that would give the dungeons are very real, natural purpose, instead of being those gamey, abstract puzzle-places they´ve been in the past. And it´d give long-time fans an exciting look behind the curtain. Maybe it´s finally time to explore the eternal circle between Link, Zelda and Ganon?